Addiction

I’m addicted to him
Not in an obsessive way, or even in a sexual way
I’m addicted to the way all my problems and anxiety seem to fade away when he is around

I can be having a total meltdown
And when he grabs my hand
               I’m relaxed
He’s my medicine

(Who am I kidding? He’s my drug)
He saves me from myself
Not every secret is bad

He is more myself than I am

I'll go back on the things I believe
Abandon all common sense and logical thought
I'll hush the quiet voices
Drown them out with a soft melody
The rushing and spinning around me slows
Because when I'm standing there with you I don't hear all the noise
Just the sound of the rain
Even my laughter is foreign to me
Maybe you bring out the real me
I like her
She gives freely and dances in the rain
Jumps in fountains and sings on the top of her lungs
I'm only her with you
And when you're gone the blurry fog returns
And the streaks of dizzy returns
And so my day just goes on
I already miss the freedom you gave me
You'll be a hard act to follow, sir

Battle

There is a rage hidden deep within
Taunted and tempted
Held at bay too long
Blood boiling and shaking palms called to it
No reversal plan in place
Let the flood gates open
And wait for the destruction
The quiet girl is gone
Not an ounce of meekness remains
I'm ready to play your game
I didn't realize we already were
It's been seven years
But I finally showed up
And I brought some friends
Don't forget you invited me
You say I've ruined you life?
I haven't begun to ruin your life
Let the games begin

Who is that?

I'm not who I was
I haven't seen me in a while
There's a pretty girl in that mirror
I can't remember when I stopped being her
Or maybe she, me
She's trapped in a rectangle
With bad lighting no less
I see her window shopping
Or watching the trees rush by
Quiet, observing
Raised eye brows and squinting eyes
A ripple in the water and she's gone
Day by day I didn't notice the change
But suddenly it stops feeling normal
Suddenly I'm just not me
And she's just as confused
Our synchronized dance in time
I kind of want to smack that smirk off her face

Pretty lies

Someday isn't here yet
I hope it never comes
This reality is haunting me
My illusion is caving in
But I'll always come back
               when you call me
I'll wait
In the dusty corners of your mind
No need to say goodbye
I know you'll come back too
I hope so anyway
There's always hope... right?
But someday isn't here yet
I'll try to keep it at bay a little longer
Just to drink you in some more
The truth is so cruel
So I listen to the pretty lies
                I tell myself instead

When you're gone

I know it’s coming…
Even though you try to avoid it
You’ll be gone
Take me with you
I wish you could
It burns
So instead I’ll pull away
I’ll be gone for a while
Until it doesn’t hurt anymore
I’ll come back to you
One day
When I can look at you without crying
When my heart is no longer broken
I already miss you
I’ll miss you in forever ways
I just want to be whole

It's a constant battle

A borrowed verse from Lisa Schroeder:

I like

the memories
because they remind me
I haven't always been
this girl,
constantly
mad or scared
or confused.

I don't like

the memories
because the tears
come easily,
and once again I break
my promise
to myself for this day.

It's a constant battle.
A war between remembering and forgetting.