Battle

There is a rage hidden deep within
Taunted and tempted
Held at bay too long
Blood boiling and shaking palms called to it
No reversal plan in place
Let the flood gates open
And wait for the destruction
The quiet girl is gone
Not an ounce of meekness remains
I'm ready to play your game
I didn't realize we already were
It's been seven years
But I finally showed up
And I brought some friends
Don't forget you invited me
You say I've ruined you life?
I haven't begun to ruin your life
Let the games begin

Who is that?

I'm not who I was
I haven't seen me in a while
There's a pretty girl in that mirror
I can't remember when I stopped being her
Or maybe she, me
She's trapped in a rectangle
With bad lighting no less
I see her window shopping
Or watching the trees rush by
Quiet, observing
Raised eye brows and squinting eyes
A ripple in the water and she's gone
Day by day I didn't notice the change
But suddenly it stops feeling normal
Suddenly I'm just not me
And she's just as confused
Our synchronized dance in time
I kind of want to smack that smirk off her face

Pretty lies

Someday isn't here yet
I hope it never comes
This reality is haunting me
My illusion is caving in
But I'll always come back
               when you call me
I'll wait
In the dusty corners of your mind
No need to say goodbye
I know you'll come back too
I hope so anyway
There's always hope... right?
But someday isn't here yet
I'll try to keep it at bay a little longer
Just to drink you in some more
The truth is so cruel
So I listen to the pretty lies
                I tell myself instead

When you're gone

I know it’s coming…
Even though you try to avoid it
You’ll be gone
Take me with you
I wish you could
It burns
So instead I’ll pull away
I’ll be gone for a while
Until it doesn’t hurt anymore
I’ll come back to you
One day
When I can look at you without crying
When my heart is no longer broken
I already miss you
I’ll miss you in forever ways
I just want to be whole

It's a constant battle

A borrowed verse from Lisa Schroeder:

I like

the memories
because they remind me
I haven't always been
this girl,
constantly
mad or scared
or confused.

I don't like

the memories
because the tears
come easily,
and once again I break
my promise
to myself for this day.

It's a constant battle.
A war between remembering and forgetting.

Seems you don't know me

I'm a tad bit fickle
I'll pretend it's part of my charm
My mood is unpredictable
Tomorrow I'll probably care less
Or my world will slip away
Either way... I'm fine today
I'm actually more than okay
Lighter
Okay, okay - there's a pep in my step
I don't need a reason why
I'll obsess over the next thing
That's just my method you see
All my effort and attention focused
It hurts less this way
I even convince myself you see
I can't reveal any breakdowns
Won't let you see me
I need a new project
Hmm... definitely not a new lover.
HA!
I just might break his heart
Revert back to the old me
Keep him hanging by a thread
But there's no more rush in that power
It's just plain mean
No I'll just keep skipping today
And see where I end up
Who knows if I want to be there tomorrow
Or tonight even

Hindered

I wish I were a bird
Rise above it all
Watch it all shrink and slowly disappear
And I would simply disappear too
Soar in the air
           Wild and free
All the best things are wild and free
Except me
I'm still here
And alas, another day begins
And another small piece of my spirit dies
Deep breaths help me through
I have to remind myself to breathe
But I'm running low on reasons
I'm just sitting here
Staring out the window
Through the bricks and smog and busy people
At the birds