My mother

Whether I laugh or cry

I can’t scream here

Near the white light

Life continues to ache and pound

                With drunken sweetness

It ain’t pretty

                Though I try to make it be

What can I do except sit here in affliction

I’m losing

Is it even my fight?

Now hidden from the world

Stained glass broken

Dull, dirty, lifeless

The shattered pieces reflecting me

Though I can’t really see

She speaks and turns away from me

I don’t remember her words

Only the hurt they caused

And the stains they left on my heart

I see her now standing there

But we no longer exist

Except for the scattered and jaded memories

                That make no sense

They mean nothing to her now

Why must they mean something to me?

I am weaker than the powers that bind me

She surpasses it with an ease

                I didn’t know existed

Slipped into a world that I can’t enter

She won’t let me

I understand my place

                Though I cannot accept it

If I leave it alone, she’ll never come back

Should I even let her?

Would she even want to?

I really don’t have a choice

She decided long before I knew I could

It’s a waste of time –

                Having hope in a lost cause

Maybe that’s what keeps me going

All I know is emptiness

(And I don’t want it)

And the fact that you must feel it too